Ya'll ready for this??

Da na na da da da didididi da da da didididi da da da didididi da da da didididi Da na na da da da didididi da da da didididi da da da didididi da da da didididi Da na na da da da didididi da da da didididi da da da didididi da da da didididi Da na na da da da didididi da da da didididi da da da didididi da da da didididi Da dida didada Yeah!

Presenting... Pretty Pink Ribbon!

Once every so often, I feel the need to change it up, move on, progress, advance, get over it, get under it, pass the buck, pass the potatoes - wait, what am I talking about again? Oh yeah, I switched blog names and platforms and starting posting naked pictures and starting lying about my age and starting lying about my lifestyle and stopped lying about my love for my cat. Don't judge me, half of that's a lie and the other half is a figment of my imagination.

But, believe me, if you love this blog, you will love Pretty Pink Ribbon. You will adore it as you adore it's author (that's ME, chumps!).

(If you don't adore it, there's something wrong with you.)

<3 <3 <3

Re-writing history

FYI. I am creating a new blog somewhere out there in the nether regions. I am changing shit up and amalgamating and trying not to over-divulge.

But it's coming. Soon-ish.

Give me five years.

Why I love Ikea

Plug

I will admit that lately I have been neglecting my environmental footprint. And by that, I mean it’s grown like a motherfucker. I have been driving non-stop and have completely embraced disposable foodware, telling myself that if it’s not easy, I won’t eat it and I will ultimately starve to death.

But. The New Year is fast approaching and with it, the almighty New Year’s Resolution. I think New Year’s Resolutions are generally short-lived goals set out of a lingering sense of holiday overindulgence, but that’s not going to stop me from resolving to consume/spend/drive less and ultimately waste less.

In that spirit, I have signed up for the Consumer Report website, so that when I do decide to buy that handy cordless driver/drill or badass moped, I will be buying the best-qualtiy, longest-lasting product for my money.

For $26 a year? That’s a good buy.

"No planning, Graff, that's the first thing"

“No mapping it out, no dates to get anywhere, no dates to get back. Just think of things! Think of mountains, say, or think of beaches. Think of rich widows and farm girls! Then just point to where you feel they’ll be, and pick the roads the same way too – pick them for the curves and hills. That’s the second thing – to pick the roads the beast* will love.”

~Setting Free the Bears, John Irving

*motorbike

Master of the Web

According to Google Webmaster, this site has gone significantly downhill in recent months. I can't much disagree. However, the list of search queries where TAHIS most often appeared WAS somewhat of a surprise:

dan quayle
teen vagina
nylons
training bras
hot girls vagina
fucking vagina
vagina fucking
vagina hair
synonyms for asshole
vagina teen

In that order. Aren't both "fucking vagina" and "vagina fucking" kind of redundant?

How I Ended Up With Red Wine All Over My Face

As I left work this afternoon, the Mentor told me I should have a drink. Or maybe two. I must've looked rough.

I replied, "I tried to last night. But then I couldn't find my corkscrew." (Seriously, where the fuck is that thing?)

And he said, "Then drink the whole bottle. Just take a fork or knife and shove the cork INTO the bottle."

You may be able to see where this is going.

So, I get home, wrap presents, eat dinner, watch X-files, get freaked out, require a sedative and reach for the wine bottle. I take a skinny knife and jam the butt end into the cork. It moves! A tad. Far enough for me to realize that holding the blade is a bad idea. I flip it, stab the blade tip into the cork and push. Success... success...

The cork clears the neck.

In an explosion of eye-burning wine.

Reposting, sort of

Name That Band

A nameless folk band
Composed of a washboard
And styrofoam tuba

Christening's simple...

"The Horny Laundress"
"Polly Styrene and the Bubbly Beyond"
"Foamy Tuba"
"Dirty Eufoamium"
"Board and Horny Pandemonium"
"Light White Conglomerate"
"Fake Ancient Laundromat"

...Or not

But what does it matter?
In the end
All their songs
Are just
Ribbing and Squeaking

Be the Mulder to my Scully. Baby.

Remember that time that I said I fall in love with TV men really easily? Oh come on, it was like a month ago. Or five.

ANYWAY. After four seasons of Californication and one of X-Files, I am on board the David Duchovny train. Not that I've been off the Double D express since oh say Grade Seven, but there have been a few Wentworth-Miller-esque distractions along the way. However, as of today, I am done with those motorless seesaw handcars and back to the real thing. The one and only Bullet train. I am on board and pulling the horn. TOOT TOOT! If you know what I mean.

Abundance of Awesome